We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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