yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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