Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Operation Purity has been aborted
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
