Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
