sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
