and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
