can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
