When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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