Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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