So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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