Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize