Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
