I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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