I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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