why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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