Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
