after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
