I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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