Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
