right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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