I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
