Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
