his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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