Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
