Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
