did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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