Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
