This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize