We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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