My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
