Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
