Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize