Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
FUCK WHALES
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
