my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
