I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize