My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
