What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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