First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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