If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
