I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
