We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
