How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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