We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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