It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
