Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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