i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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