I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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