I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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