Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
