dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
