you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
