Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
