What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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