i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
