Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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