when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
