I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
