So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
