she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
