I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize