C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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