Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize