Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
