I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
