I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize