im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
