Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
