Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
