All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
