I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
