Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
