I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
