The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize