Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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