remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
