she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
