So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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