I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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