I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Randomize
