you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
