Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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