We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My pussy is not your playground.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
