it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize