I want to stick my p in your. b.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
