i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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