Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
