Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
