I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
