My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
