The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
