i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
