I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
