I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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