How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
