Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
