No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
