I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
