the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize