How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
