I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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