Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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