Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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