even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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