I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
