you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
