I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
