So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
