well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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