then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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