I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
